A sneek peek at Mayonnaise Murders Vol. 2

The Mayonnaise Murders

As I may have mentioned earlier, I’ve finished “The Mayonnaise Murders Vol. 2” and now it’s just down to the editing. If all goes according to schedule I’ll have it out in July. Meanwhile, here’s another sneak peek at what’s in store. I’ll be featuring various scenes from the book from time leading up to the ultimate release date. Hope you enjoy, and stay tuned!


Chapter 14

Scene 1


Varma hadn’t heard a thing, but then that was how it usually was with the Gerruh. There was never any warning, no precursor to the event. No preview. There was simply the perfect brutality of the act itself, leaving behind only the faintest whiff of the violence that had taken place there moments before. Unless, of course, the pair was feeling particularly bored and in the mood for some amusement. 

This happened every so often only because there was rarely any challenge to the Gerruh’s unique abilities to wreak havoc. By the nature of their experimental creation the reason for their design in the first place, and as the natural consequence of sheer hard work and dedication to their craft, there was no creature breathing that could compete. Consequently the hunting side of the Gerruh’s predatory nature frequently went unsatisfied because their victims rarely even knew that a hunt was in place until they saw that final image of the Gerruh standing there in front of them.

Just like they were standing in front of Varma’s desk right now, their long thin hands clasped behind their backs, each of their right eyebrows arched in a comedic fashion. Varma had the phone to her ear and her mouth was hanging open wide, a small pearl of saliva stretching its way down her jaw, headed toward her rapidly pulsing gills. She trembled  slightly.

“I am in the mood, brother. It has been awhile.”

The other one nodded. Sighed.

“It has, brother. It has.”

“So what do you propose? I believe we have some extra time we might be allowed to spare, and we do owe ourselves at least some small amount of recreation before having to report these somewhat unfortunate findings to our employer. Needless to say he will not be happy, and the conversation will not be pleasant, so I propose that we avail ourselves of some relaxation. To take the edge off, as they say.”

The other brother frowned, then shook his head.

“I do wish you would refrain from those pureblood phrases that you seem to find so cute. I find them rather annoying myself. They are a pollution, a threat to our purity.”

“We are threatened by no one and no thing, brother. Always remember that.”

“Absolutely!” blurted Varma, as if she had just coughed up a particularly stubborn piece of food that had been lodged in her throat. She eased the phone away from her ear, then placed it on the desk in front of her. She crossed her hands, but that did not hide the trembling.

“I mean, who in their right mind is going to try and threaten the Gerruh, right? No one that I know, that’s for sure. So why bother with me? I don’t pose any threat to you guys. None at all. And I know how you guys work, too. I know you wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t somebody behind this whole thing, so you can be sure to go back and tell whoever that they don’t have a thing to worry about from Varma. Not ever. Not in this life. Matter of fact, you can tell them that they have a friend in Varma. OK? Yes! That’s what you should tell them, that they have a friend in…”

It probably wasn’t the best time for Vinster and Voorst to be making an appearance, but being the loyal footsoldiers that they were, and wanting to take advantage of any opportunity for advancement in the company, they strode boldly into their boss’s office without even bothering to knock, their hands fastened to their hip pistols.

“Excuse us boss but we saw these two walk into your office just now and we know you didn’t have anyone scheduled and what with all the confusion that’s been happening recently with the disappearance of …our guest…well, we thought we’d better, you know. I mean, just in case. So…do you know these guys? Because…oh…wait…”

The Gerruh regarded the new arrivals with a genuine smile. Varma’s eyes were stretched open wide as she shook her head frantically from side to side, her hand mimicking a knife cutting across her wide open throat.

“Something else you wanted to say?” the Gerruh asked.

Vinster and Voorst moved their hands away from their holster pistols as they backed away toward the still open door. The look on their faces was considerably more intense than mere terror.

“You guys are…you guys…”

“The Gerruh. Yes. Indeed we are. Although I’m afraid we haven’t made your acquaintance as yet. But you are backing away. Leaving us so soon…?”

They regarded each other nervously, then shook their heads.

“No…no, of course not, sirs,” said Vinster. “I mean, if that’s not what you…”

The two halves of Vinster peeled slowly apart from one another at first, then slapped the ground with a wet thud. Voorst was still trying to make sense of what he had just witnessed when he felt a sudden slice of heat enter his neck.

“Brother, see, this is how you always manage to ruin the game. In all other things you are calm, yet for some reason whenever we decide to play the game you cannot seem to wait to get started. I must confess this does place a damper on my enjoyment. I thought we had agreed on patience in all things.”

The other brother grinned as a freakishly long blue tongue extended itself from between his lips like a flattened serpent. The thick tentacles of his hair began to shift and move independently.

“My apologies, brother. Something to work on in the future.”

“Yes. Which is exactly what you said the last time we played the game. And please dispose of the head. The  surprised expression on that poor thing’s face is somewhat irritating. Or perhaps I should say distracting. Excuse me, did he have a name?”

Throughout the execution, Varma sat rooted to her chair, her hands clapped tightly over her mouth as if trying to keep something from trying to escape. Now her eyes were locked on Voorst’s head, which was rocking back and forth in front of her desk. And it was true, he did have a rather surprised expression on his face, which caused her stomach to wretch suddenly, forcing a putrid stream of a former meal across the mess of paperwork scattered in front of her.

“Oh boy…” she said, wiping her lips.

The Gerruh wrinkled their noses in disgust.

“Nevermind. But I do believe your name is Varma, correct? And please don’t let us stand in your way if you would like to attend to your mess.”

“Oh. Yes. Sure thing. Does that include the head…? And the…the…”

“No. I believe the head and the two halves of your other employee are our responsibility.”


“Think nothing of it. 

Varma nodded.

“Varma, my brother and I, we like to play a game. I mean occasionally, when we have a bit of extra time. Usually that game involves a bit of a hunt.”

“A bit of a …”

“For example, normally what would happen right now is I would suggest a way in which you might attempt to try and escape from us, and then give you a certain time frame in which to do so. Understand?”

“You’re…you’re talking about hide-and-seek…”

The Gerruh regarded each other with their own look of surprise, which was not quite as woeful as the one attached to Voorst’s head.

“How did she know about…?’

“Brother, I am as surprised as you to make this discovery. I had always thought…”

“But this was our secret game! How could she…”

They both focused their intense black, shark-like eyes on Varma.

“This was our secret game. We told no one.”

“Hide-and-go-seek? You’re kidding, right? I mean that game has been around for…no. Of course you’re not kidding. Because you guys aren’t exactly known for your sense of humor. But I’m just saying…I mean…”

“Go on. Please. We find this interesting.”

“And educational,” said the other.

“Yes. Educational.”

“Oh. Well… this game? Hide-and-seek? It kinda got started a few hundred years ago back on the Mother Rock. I think some kids thought it up or something like that. I don’t know the whole history because, well, I have better things to do, I guess. But I do know this game of yours, or maybe I should say a game with that same name that seems pretty similar, got started a few hundred years ago on Earth. That’s all I know.”

“And once the seeking is over and the subject has been found, what happens then? In this Earth game with the same name?”

“Well, I mean we all played it as little critters. All of us did. Anyway, that’s pretty much the end of the game, you know? The whole object of the game is for one to go hide and the other to go and seek. Or her. Then once you find him – or her – then that’s the end of the game.”

“That’s it?”

“”Well…yeah. I mean, what else would there be?”

“And once you find the other individual then there are no consequences for being found? The found party simply walks away, ready to play another game or what have you?”

“Pretty much.”

“Then it is not the same game.”

“Right. Well I figured it couldn’t be. Right.”

The Gerruh and Varma regarded each other for a mutually uncomfortable period of time. Varma didn’t move a muscle, wondering if this was going to be how her last moments were going to be spent, arguing the merits of  hide-and-seek. 

“Well, brother, it seems there is little time left to play, and we do have business to attend to.”

“We do.”

Varma allowed herself to take a deep breath.

“So, then, does that mean I’m in the clear? You guys aren’t going to…?”

“Not today, no. Although given your level of intelligence I do believe it would have been noticeably more enjoyable hunting you down than with others. I would suggest, however, that you spend the upcoming days working to repair your security. I think you’ll agree this is rather embarrassing, not to mention we must now expend an extra amount of effort locating Dr. Von and his wife that could have been avoided had they been safely here when we arrived.”

“Sure. I understand that. But then, you know…I mean you know I had some plans of my own for Dr. Von too, right? I mean, just like you did. So if they had been here when you arrived and you just took them from me then…”

“Then what?”

“Right. Right. Nevermind.”










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