What is it with me and church..?

I connect with God just fine. It’s church where I don’t quite fit…

I’m not exactly what you would refer to as the church-going type. At best, I attend church about once every season. Part of that has to do with lengthy church services. The other part, I suspect, has a lot to do with me. For whatever reason, I just don’t get the sense of uplift – or whatever it is you’re supposed to get – from attending church. It’s just not there. I have heard of church referred to by some as a sort of filling station where you go to replenish your tank at the end of a weary week fighting your way through the ways of the world, kind of like Indiana Jones slicing his way through a jungle.

And what I wouldn’t give to experience the sensation of relief and joy at the end of a tough week. Or at least the sense of fulfillment. Something. Believe me  could use that. But, truth be told, I don’t feel much different after leaving church than I did when I entered several hours earlier. That’s not to say that I don’t ever enjoy church because there are definitely times when I do. But I tend to enjoy it in the same way as I do any other positive social event, such as a great concert. Thoroughly enjoyable but I don’t necessarily feel any closer to God.

Like I said, I’m quite sure it’s me. It’s definitely not God who is broken, and the church I attend is, by all indications, a very good church with great people and a great pastor. So I don’t think it’s them either. And over the years I have attended any number of denominations, including Lutheran, Presbyterian (how I was raised), Baptist, Apostolic, and Church, of God in Christ. Not seeing too many other options I have to conclude it’s likely me where the wiring is somehow faulty.

But the  funny thing is, sometimes I feel that closeness much more outside of church rather than inside. Matter of fact, the vast majority of what I would call my ‘close encounters’ with God have occurred outside of church.

No answers yet. Just rambling…

 

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kaoblues
Writer and musician.

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